Hey gals and guys! I told you I’d be sharing some of my dating escapades. So here I am!
As someone quickly approaching 50, like at the speed of light, dating has become almost … hmm.. I don’t know what…..
I am divorced and have had a couple long-term relationships – the last being 5 years long with an engagement thrown in for prosperity – not that he ever wanted to remarry. I think it was his way of shutting me up. It was a ring or a baby. The chick before me got a dog.!!
After being dumped, I was advised by a friend with all good intentions to join a dating site. I was reluctant at first as I watch way too many crime shows.
After thinking about for couple of weeks over wine, hookah, naps and tears, I decided -like all the self-help books suggest – to just get up and move.
And move I did. I was on Match! POF! Tinder! And even tried one called Bumble ?!?! They all host the SAME people – paid or free.
Anyway, I went on couple dates, did a lot of texting and face timing and then I met Lorenzo. And his name is NOT changed because he is blocked E V E R Y W H E R E, so chances he sees this and tries to me sue me are nil to zero. Can I be sued? I don’t know, I’ll take the risk, because this story is too good to pass up.
Lorenzo was a kind of nouveau American – Dominican from Washington Heights. We did a little bit of texting, spoke on phone, he had a car and he knew Jersey. Winning!
When I saw his pic and spoke to him, it wasn’t like BANG ZOOM!, but like we do, I lowered my standards a bit because he was in his 40s and could spell. LOL. No really. 
I completely overlooked the fact that he had like 6 kids (insert eye roll).
So after chatting for couple of weeks, he hit me up while in Jersey one day and asked if we could meet. I was bartending and invited him over.
Well, Lorenzo came in, nicely dressed, not totally my type, but he was TALL !!! Yes! Over 6 feet. He gave me the warmest hug and had a great smile! Promising, right? hmmm.
Anyway, I worked at a wine bar at the time, but he ordered an Long Island Iced Tea – a little I don’t know, but I was like, ok. No judgement. And he also kept insisting that I taste it. 
As I returned from checking on a table, I, of course, was checking him out from behind. When I got to his feet, it literally looked like he had on one sock. I did a double take and then sent my coworker to take a look – same. Second flag!
Lorenzo followed me to a hookah spot to meet up with my girlfriend after work.
We parked down the street and this is the series of events that transpired:
- He purchased a bottle of JD to bring to hookah spot (after I had purchased bottle of wine). 3rd flag!
- He peed in between cars even though spot was about 20 feet away. (And then tried to put his arms around me. (Ewww!!) 4th flag!
- He offered me weed. 5th flag!
- He scoffed down his meal in 2.5 seconds (weed). 6th flag!
- Proceeded to get obnoxiously drunk. Loud. Touchy Feely. Ugh! Done!
- Asked to spend the night – boy bye!!! Done! Done!
And the cherry on the ice cream ——-> when my girlfriend came, she confirmed that NO he didn’t have on only ONE sock, he had actually had TWO – AND they were different (one striped, on polka dot – NO LIE!) and one had sagged. Hence why it looked like he only had one on from behind.
We quickly made our exit. He got home safely because he text me the next day and asked me what were the top three things I looked for in a guy. I responded:
- Well dressed
- Well spoken
- Well behaved
He responded by saying, “Well it’s a good thing I am funny!” (Disregard the well dressed, well spoken, well-behaved part )
Needless to say I told him we weren’t a match. He kept texting (of course). I blocked him. He found me on Facebook. I blocked him facebook and done.
I guess I am just wondering where in his right mind did he think it was a great date, because he did.
And again, shame on me, for not paying attention to the red flags because there were a few and for once again settling because apparently there are no good men. (NOT! I refuse to believe that.) .
So yes, my fellow female daters, it does look bleak! But I am still hopeful.
My suggestion for online dating ———–> Do the free sites first. Like I mentioned before, many host the same guys. If they are on Match, they are mostly likely on POF, Bumble is weird. Couldn’t get hang of it. Match is POF with a fee. And of course if you really are on a mission there are E-Harmony and Christian Mingle (never tried these!).
Disclaimer #1: I have since deleted all profiles on all dating sites and went back to the good old-fashioned way of meeting people, socially, through friends and family, work, etc.
Disclaimer #2: I am still single. Wah! Wah! LOL!!!
Thanks for stopping bye!
LolaUncorked♥